...

Everything that I worked for is all gone.. Scholarships ... Down the drain.... I just give up ... I can't take it anymore...

Why is it always the ones who work so hard that end up feeling the pain the most?

Tiredness

I wonder when these feelings of being depressed will go away? My parents act like as if nothing is wrong and then two minutes they are at it again.

... I just want everything to stop. I am just so tired of everything. I feel so depressed that I can't even laugh at the jokes my friends tell me....

I guess you could say that people see right through me on my facial expression.

I can't hide anymore. It hurts too much.

I'm wondering when is my life going to be filled with the happiness again ?

Everything is such a blur due to all the stress I am under....school,parents,extracurricular activities... I can't leave either one of them because they are my family.. And well school... That's something I have to go to in order for me to have my own life ...

Why?

Well ... my birthday is completely ruined... all this shit that i am going through i cant take it anymore. My parents basically dont give two shits about me ... it was all because of one word ... simply because i wanted 50 out of the 200 dollars i got for my birthday to spend and my mom said no.. it goes in the bank... because i said that i felt like she was controlling the money i receive for my birthday... now im being compared to these spoiled people who get everything.. 

my life... 
i dont even know anymore.. all i can say is that is has always been like this.. i completely hate my life..

they give me everything but when things like that happen... idk

my dad even has the audacity to say i am worse then his 3 fucking sons that dont even talk nor give a fucking shit if hes alive or not.. i fall into their category.


they say i dont love them? and that the "love" i say is false.. 

i want to move out.. i cant take it anymore.. the 18 years of my life... i thought it would be filled with happiness.. and dont get me wrong.. we have our good days.. but when things life this happen.. im so helpless and alone.. 

my mom always compares me to my friends and says how much of a bad kid i am... 
i dont understand what i am doing wrong..

they say i answer back .. yes i do.. i know its wrong... but what am i supposed to do..

they got mad at me cause i was upset that my dad came to pick me up early from where i was ... i didnt want to leave yet cause i hadnt finished my food.. its not my fault....

i find that as im getting older its getting worse.. i dont know what to do anymore with my life.. 

all i have is my friends, school and my family (of course) ....... now that this fight happened its like they dont care about me anymore.... 

it sucks how my mom is always like we give you everything.... thats not the case though.. i am definitely not upset at that...  its just the things they say ... i thought this year would be good... turns out nope .... its gotten worse... and idk anymore i am past the point of crying.. maybe i might break down sooner or later. i just hope its not during exam time. 

all this shit.. i cant take it anymore.